At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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