what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
