I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
