He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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