you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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