If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
