I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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