Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.