why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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