On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.