they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit