What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism