So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes