Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
