Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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