It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
