woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
