Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
