I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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