So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
