I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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