life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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