So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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