i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
