I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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