i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
