I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
