Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
