I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
