It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
