This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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