Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
