TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
