My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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