we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Everclear isn't food dammit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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