): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
