If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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