i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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