I wish I could punch you in the face.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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