I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
