I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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