nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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