If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
