umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
