everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
