Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize