Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
