the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
