i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
