to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
