I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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