worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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