all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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