well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
