There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
