what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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