yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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