I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
